Guilty?

I just started reading The Childless Revolution.

This book divides the childfree/childless woman into 3 categories - chosen, chance and happenstance. I'm a bit dismayed already that the childfree (chosen) ones are a mere 30 pages at the start of the book. These women are then divided into another 3 categories - positively, religiously and environmentally childfree.

The women that they spoke to have all expressed great joy and happiness with their choices and do not regret them.

The one bit of the book that made me go AH-HA so far is the letter that was written to Dear Abby in 1975 by a couple asking parents to tell them if having kids was as rewarding as everyone told them it was. An astounding 70% of parents said, if they had to do it again, they WOULD NOT! Oh..dear...

Being childfree is a choice that I have made and I'm happy with it. Beyond happy, really. Despite that, I admit, at times, I feel guilty. I am probably one of those 'lucky' women who would fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and have cute, healthy cherub babies...and I don't want it. It does make me feel a little guilty at times that I have this ability and I don't want it...at all. If my doc was to tell me I was infertile, it would be the best news I could ever get. I know a few people who desperately want babies, would be great parents-not-breeders and have all the patience/love for a child and they can not have one.

In TQC the other day, the question was asked if god existed and we met him and could have ONE thing changed for all humanity in the future, what would it be. My response was:

People are infertile until they CHOOSE to have children and prove that they will be decent, upstanding parents to said children.

This would, if you ask me, solve a few problems. But ideals worlds never happen, so, yeah.

I look forward to finishing this book. It seems fairly well laid out so far, but we shall see.

One in 3 women will be Childfree

I came across this article below the other day. It was also discussed on the CF_Hardcore in LiveJournal.

I was born in 1971. I am not having kids. I resent that these women interviewed gave such crap reasons, such as:

The four women they interviewed gave the following reasons for being 'childfree':

1) "I'm trying it just hasn't happened"
2)"I'm having too much fun"
3) "I haven't met the right man yet"
4) "I'm too vain"

This to me sounds like a cop out. Admit that you do NOT want kids and let the rest of the world accept it. For me, those 4 excuses are easily refuted.

1. I am enjoying a very healthy sex life with a/many partner(s) but unlike 1/2 the population, I have mastered the art of birth control. The only thing I am *trying* to do is to have more of it.

2. See #1. Sex IS fun and I'm having it more than those who have kids are. Also, I am going on holidays, eating out, wearing nicer clothes and I like my childless, cluttered home.

3. I have met the right man and he is MORE CF than me. If I hadn't met him, I'd have waited til I met another CF man who was on the same baby free page as me.

4. Perhaps I am. I like home clean, free from jam handprints and snot on every pillow. I like to wear nice clothes and not have to cover up with a burpy rag. I like to be able to get a mani-pedi when I want, as well as have a GOOD haircut and colour that is not from a place that offers lollipops to it's customers. I like that my stretch marks are from having eaten great food and having drunk great drinks.

5. I don't like kids. Babies make my skin crawl. I don't understand why everyone thinks that the world STOPS for them just because they had a kid.

Childfree, as I know it and live it, is to NEVER want one. EVER.



http://www.independentngonline.com/

One In Three Female Graduates Won’t Be Mothers

April 29th, 2007

Sometimes one finds it difficult to believe some of the findings of modern day researchers, but hard as they are, it is obvious that some people are indeed doing more than others. Researchers in developed countries are committed to knowing why certain social phenomenon turn out the way they are in order to understand the human race better.

Recently, in the Daily Mail of London some researchers at the Centre for Longitudinal Studies, Institute of Education in London, reportedly came out with findings that indicate the likelihood of a third of female university graduates never becoming a mother.

The researchers polled a total of 35, 000 people born in 1970 in parts of Europe and tracked throughout their lives.

Though the researchers did not indicate if the women were blacks or mixture of white and black but one thing they did state is that the poll was done in London.

The study found out that 40 per cent of highly-educated women are still childless by the age of 35 which is an increase of 20 per cent in just over a decade.

The researchers then made a forecast that by the time the women reach the likely end of their child-bearing years of 45, about 30 per cent of them will still be childless.

They noted that while some are making a conscious decision not to have a family, others are simply leaving it too late after taking years to build their careers, buy a home and find the right partner. And graduates who do become mothers are having fewer children and leaving it later.

If the trend continues, the eventual rate of childlessness among graduates now in their 20s is likely to be even higher than a third.

Professor Heather Joshi, head of the research team said: "They waited to establish their housing, careers and sometimes to find the right man."

Out of a group of graduate women born in 1958, 32.7 per cent were childless at 35.

The result has assisted in helping to explain the low birth rate which is leading to an ageing population in Britain and much of Western Europe.

The study has also led to calls for employers to be more flexible so that women do not feel their career would be over if they have children.

(What do you think about Nigeria’s situation? Is education and career affecting marriage and child bearing of female graduates? Send comments to yinks_shok@yahoo.com or simply text 08033338634)

Forget you, there is a baby on the way!

Can you REALLY ever keep everyone happy??

My husband seems to think you can...which usually means *I* get the short end of that stick, so as to avoid conflict on his home ground. Sure, piss T off! She's not here. No fucking problem. Promises made to her can be broken at will as, well, she'll just have to learn to suck it up.

My mother seems to think you can. Oh, T's coming home for the first time in 3 years and bringing her husband home with her. Oh...really, I don't need to be there for that. Not like they have been planning this for the last 2 years. Nah. No biggie. Not at all.

On paper this plan works, so here is hoping it works in real life. I am talking about the fact that I just may not be home when you arrive in July. No surprise when I say that the way things stand at the moment, I will be in victoria. Now, according to your travel plans you plan on staying in Calgary recovering from jetlag for a couple of days. This, on top of the fact you & G plan on making a day or two trip to Saskatoon, it could give me the day or two I am going to need to make things work. It is a long story, and I won't get into it all right now, but did want to get this out to you and hopefully you can understand that I am between a rock and a hard place at the moment, and trying my best to keep everyone happy.

Fuck this shit.

Seriously.

Keep everyone happy. My fat white arse.

I've had this fight with my mother. "I hope you understand" seems to be her catch phrase. Sure, I get it. Yup. Does that mean I have to agree with it or accept it or think it's right? Nope.

And further more, me expressing MY opinion on matters DOES NOT make me a manipulative bitch, so for those of you who continue to fan that flame, FUCK OFF!! I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I DON'T state my opinion or how I feel, I get walked on. If I do, even if I state clearly that it is MY opinion and it does not mean I expect people to cowtow to it, I get called controlling and manipulative. Can not fucking win, can I?

Mum emails back and says "Don't get all excited." Trust me...my first trip home in 3 years...why the godgivenfuckinghell would I POSSIBLY be excited? I want to email her back and say exactly that to her as well. "Why, dear mother, would *I* be excited to be coming home for the first time in 3 years AND bringing G with me? How utterly silly of me to think I should be excited about that when there are clearly bigger and infinitely better things going on. Excited? Nope. Not in the least. Why bother?"

Am I being irrational? Maybe. Am I fed up with this? Fucking right I am.

I'm at odds with she-I-call-Mother. If you ask her, I should NOT be the LEAST bit upset, as everything will work out. (Read: We'll do what we want and you'll have to suck it up.)

As we know, G and I are going home. Have had this trip planned since after I came home from Europe. Have had tickets since just after I came back from Aus this past summer. Mum/Dad and all and sundry KNEW that we arrived on the 16th July.

Sister's due date is June 27th. First oh so precious gurgling grandbaby. Whoopeee, says she who is not a baby person. I admit it, the birth of the impending niece is not making me do cartwheels. It's a baby. Meh. Sorry. Talk to me when it's talking and maybe it will be interesting. Sure, it'll be cute and mum/sis will be ga-ga over this little pink screaming creature. Me? I won't be.

Do I think sis planned the timing of the first golden grandbaby to fuck with our arrival? No...and the timing IS for shit. Has my mother known about our arrival longer than that of this infant who will be around for a good 40-50 years? Yup. Should that take priority? If you ask me, yes. Should they be home when I get there for the first time in 3 years, with my new husband? Fucking rights they should. Then you can go back to your precious baby daughter and her precious baby daughter. To not be there when we arrive, to me, is a MASSIVE slap in the face to both me and G. Is it better if one parent is there and the other gone? Honestly, it's insulting no matter what. It's not like we're flying in unannounced for fuck's sake.

But you don't understand....your sister needs HELP! It's her first baby!! It's our first grandchild!!!

Ya know what? They LIVE in Canada. WE do not.We, since choosing to go to Montreal for our honeymoon kinda trip, have shortened our time in MJ considerably. Apparently, it's not enough time to really put the fear of dog into her...so maybe I should just remove MJ from the list altogether. Would THAT get her attention? "Oh, well, since you'd rather be in Victoria, you can stay there. We'll catch you some other DECADE when/if we come back."

You also know what? You can go BACK after we leave. Yes, you can. I am sure that unless there is some massive medical emergency for which J and baby need to be hospitalized, all will be fine for a week. You can be where you should bloody well be when we arrive and then go back to babyville.

Basically, at this point, I do not give a rats arse if I see my mother. She's made her stance well known. Trying to please everyone? HAHAHA! Bullshit. She is trying to please herself and my sister. Forget me, I'll just deal with it. Well, this time, I won't. This is the biggest of the insults she's handed out to me in terms of me coming home and the like. Enough is enough.

I get to live there some day. Joy.

http://abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200705/s1912649.htm

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200501/s1289827.htm

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200705/s1912683.htm

Julia Gillard, a politician in Australia, is slammed by the opposition, saying that she is "is not fit to lead the country because she is "deliberately barren"."

Holy. Wow.

Defending his earlier description of Ms Gillard as "deliberately barren", Senator Heffernan argued that having a family helped political leaders understand their community.

So, being unmarried and childfree makes you a bad example to the country's women, does it? Would it be better if she were mother to 4 different children from 3 different husbands? Would you like her to adopt a child to make her 'whole'?

If she were male and in politics, childfree and unmarried, would she be under such fire from her opponents? Probably not.

Women today have choices. Ms Gillard is a shining example to Australian women on how to exercise your choices. Marriage, kids, career, lifestyle, hobbies....these are all choices we make. It's hard enough in this day and age to make good choices. To see someone who can be a good example to future women, someone who is in politics and can do something good for the country AND is also childfree is great.

The current Aussie government and the man who made this comment:
"Mr Heffernan, like the Howard Government, overall is a man who's stuck in the past," she said.

If she had kids, would she then be unfit because the kids will take too much of her time?
If she were male, would it matter?
If she were UNABLE to have kids, how have they just rubbed it in her face?

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