WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!??????

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/foreign/richardspencer/dec07/failed-adoption-press.htm

http://www.rage3d.com/board/showthread.php?t=33911094

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/worldnews.html?in_article_id=501281&in_page_id=1811

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071216103352AAG7v7K

http://www.chinapost.com.tw/china/2007/12/12/134586/Dutch-diplomat.htm

http://dutchjackalgirl.net/expatlair/index.php?topic=1288.0


Girl had bonding fear, says envoy
Barclay Crawford
Updated on Dec 14, 2007
The senior Dutch diplomat who gave up his adopted Korean child says she was suffering from a severe fear of bonding when the family handed her over to the Social Welfare Department last year.

The statement came as a woman who babysat for the family in Indonesia in 2001-02 said the girl, now 8, was treated differently to the couple's natural offspring.

Social welfare lawmaker Fernando Cheung Chiu-hung said he had been told by the Social Welfare Department that the girl's condition had improved remarkably since she left the Poeteray family. She was now happy and healthy with no mental problems. Mr Cheung, who will meet the girl, said she would remain in Hong Kong.

Raymond Poeteray and his wife, Meta, said in the statement last night that the girl's condition became so serious in the middle of last year that, on the advice of medical specialists and staff from adoption agency Mother's Choice and the Social Welfare Department, a decision was made to place her in temporary care.

"After our daughter became part of our family, it proved very difficult to get through to her," they said.

"In Jakarta, where we were transferred in 2000, it was not possible to identify the cause of the problem. Only after we moved from Jakarta to Hong Kong did medical specialists make the diagnosis that our daughter suffers from fear of bonding in a severe form. We tried to cure her through intensive family therapy, but to our great disappointment she did not get better. On the contrary, the situation got worse and the family began to suffer greatly from it."

The statement also confirmed the family has since not had any contact with her. "That was a terribly painful and sad moment for us, but we saw no other option."

The couple said they had followed Korean law for the adoption.

"The reason [she] does not have a Dutch nationality is simply a result of the fact that all her medical problems have prevented us from completing the naturalisation process. We hope this explanation will evoke some sympathy for our situation."

The family's former babysitter said she believed the treatment of the girl while she was with the family was not right. "They did not treat her the same way as their son. There was not the love there," said the babysitter, who asked not to be named.

The Sunday Morning Post revealed this week the couple adopted the girl when she was four months old. They have two sons, one older and one younger than the girl.

Mr Poeteray has returned to the Netherlands.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....lemme get this straight...you adopt a nice, infant girl. You have 2 of your own and then decide that the adopted one if DEFECTIVE somehow and RETURN HER????? She's not a fucking TV, you racist cocksucking assholes!!!!!!!!!!

And you wonder why adoption gets a bad rap. People want to return the kids, 4, 7, 36 years later....What the god fucking HELL??????

It's getting worse

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,22896354-662,00.html

The comments are where it is at. Truly.

Stupid Aussies.

Legacy

Do the childless by choice think, or do, more about about leaving a legacy because they don’t have kids? What about you? Do you think about your legacy? Does it matter?

This question was posed on the Purple Woman Blog.

Fair question to ask as well. Parents always seem to think that their children will be the future curers of cancer and find intelligent life on other planets. For those who are CF, what does this mean? Will our pets grow up to cure AIDS? Doubtful...and some of us do not have pets.

What is my legacy? I'd like to think that my job as a teacher is a good start. Since starting teaching in 1995, I am met a fair number of young people. I've taught in city schools and country towns. I've taught adults, teens and kindy kids. I've taught in Canada, Japan and Hong Kong. I've taught English, Maths, Social Studies, Home Ec, French and Art. I've taught foreign students about how to ask questions when they travel or move to a new country. I have introduced my foreign students to the customs and culture of the western world.

With the invention of the internet, I have had former students contact me through Facebook and emails. It's interesting when they contact me because I have to ask myself why someone who is at least 15 years my junior would want to talk to me. I have had students email me and exclaim how much they missed me.

I'm not their parent. I don't want to be. I am, however, an adult that they can talk to without fear of judgment. I had a student come out to me as a homosexual when I taught in one small town. He waited til almost the end of the year and when he did, I asked why he chose me. He said that I was the one adult he knew would not judge him and would support and help him.

I also have a great nephew and we get along great. He is really bright and fun to be with. His mother is a single mother and unfortunately, she's a overly strict with him and I don't see that they have a really close relationship. I hope to cultivate a better relationship with him as well.

I'd say I have met well over 5,000 young people and adults in my teaching career and I would like to think that at some point, they will remember me fondly and this will be part of my legacy.

In a non-child centric way, I hope that my photography will live on as well in some small way. I'm no professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I would like to think that it is something that will carry on after I am gone.

Katherine Hepburn said: "I was ambitious and knew I would not have children. I wanted total freedom." She left one of the most amazing legacies in the world.


Having children does not guarantee that you will leave a worthwhile legacy. Not having them does not mean you won't, either.

"The world might, perhaps, be considerably poorer if the great writers had exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood."

--Virginia Woolf

Because it's different when you're a mother

http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt

A MOTHER creates a Myspace page to bait a young girl. Girl is depressed and overweight. Girl starts to believe that fake Myspace boy is falling for her. "Boy" pulls the plug, calling her all sorts of names. Girl hangs herself.

The press protects THE MOTHER who did this.

What is WRONG with this world???

Invisible and Childfree

This summer, my husband and I went home to my parent’s place. It was the first time he would meet them and the first time I had been home in 3 years. We’d been planning this holiday for a long time. He was very thrilled to be going to Canada and I was anxious for him to meet my family and friends, as well as seeing them myself.

My mother is one of those mothers who only wanted to be a grandmother. My husband and I are blessedly childfree, one of the many things that brought us together. My sister thankfully gave my mother her first grandbaby this year. However, timing could not have been worse, really. Baby arrived 3 weeks before we arrived. My mother informed me that she would NOT be present at our home when we arrived in town and that she was really unsure of when she would be back.

I was gutted. I had been planning this trip for so long and my husband was looking forward to meeting my family. We did not plan to sit around and wait for my mother to come home, as we had friends we wanted to see as well. I made it known to my mother that this arrangement, such as it was, was unacceptable to me, that she needed to sort it out and to be home when we arrived.

It did not happen. It feel completely on deaf ears because of the new baby and we are 2 self-sufficient adults. To this day, my mother and I are at odds because she can not understand why this hurt me as much as it did and why I can not accept that babies come first. How could she have been expected to leave my sister alone with an almost month old baby when her husband was out of town? Erm, right. Ok. Because a new mother has NEVER BEEN LEFT ALONE?!

4 months after leaving my parent’s home, I am still upset and angered by all of this. My wishes, being the childfree adult were ignored, tossed aside because of my sister and her newborn. Even now, in trying to sort out other various issue with my mother via email, she does not have the time to devote to speaking with me because she is busy doting on her new grandbaby.

I am being ignored, my wishes being ignored because my mother is grandbaby crazy and I am childfree. There is no category in her mind for myself and my husband as we’re not toeing the line and doing what is the done thing.

Do I feel invisible? Of course I do. I feel more invisible in the last 4 months since returning to my home as my mother has made sure to tell all my relatives how horrible I am because I can not fathom how important a baby is. Of course I get it. I’m not a monster. Why does she not understand how important it is for me to have my needs and wants recognized and met in the same fashion as those of the breeders in my family.

I realize this is a fairly personal rant about the selfishness I endured this summer and will continue to endure in my family. I will remain invisible as well for a long while if I refuse to cow tow to my mother and accept all the blame.

I am doing something that she does not understand or can accept, so if she does not see it, it does not exist. If I told her we were sterile, well, that different. Making a conscious choice? Why would you do that? I feel that my husband and I are not being counted as family as we are only 2 people. It’s not ‘T’s family’ she talks about, it’s ‘T and her husband’.

When it comes to family activities, I know that us being the couple will not play into any advanced planning. Why, of course we can drop our plans at a moments notice as we do not have children! It’s not like we have jobs that require notice of holiday leave or plans with friends to change. No, that would not play into family activities. You have no children, therefore, you are required to be the most flexible people around. If we do venture back to the land of maple syrup and hockey, I know that whatever plans we have will be pushed aside to make way for those of the childed ones. Never mind that we would have traveled over 36 hours and 3-4 planes to get there. We’re childfree and therefore, do not count.

My feelings of being invisible have magnified since my summer at ‘home’, as have my feelings that ‘home’ is no longer where my parents reside, but firmly and safely ensconced with my fabulous childfree husband and our big rambling house filled with the 2 of us.

Summer Dramalama

More rellies came over yesterday. Dad's brother and his wife. Had a nice dinner. Spent the afternoon with the ever lovely and amazing crawfooty and her oh-so-perfectly-cute little boy.

After dinner, the phone rings. It's mum. She's talking to me like there is nothing to be wrong, that this is NOT a problem. I'm fuming and thisclose to crying, again. She carries on a bit, asking about various things and asks if she will see us on the Sunday when she gets in. I say I don't know, possibly. I *want* her to meet G. I want to see her. I also want to punish her and make her feel as butthurt as I do right now...but I can't make her feel butthurt without hurting my father and my husband...two men who do not deserve this.

After I hang up with her, I hear Dad and his SIL talking about WHY my mother is still in BC. Apparently, Jana can not handle the 2, 4 and 6 am feedings AND nap during the day, so my mother is the one taking care of the baby AND my sister's husband is not there this weekend. Excuse me??? When is she going to learn to take care of this thing by herself?? Then again, when has my sister EVER learned to do anything by herself?? She's NEVER been alone, lived alone, dealt with life alone...so why start now!!

I came downstairs and just bawled. My chest hurt I cried so much. This is not how this was meant to go. All my planning...shot...or so it feels. I am so hurt I can't be hurt, I am just mad.

G comes down eventually and says that K and T want us upstairs for pictures. Riiiight. Me and my red, crying eyes. I try to make it look good but in that time, G's told them I am not feeling well and that maybe some other time. Dad comes down and asks me what's wrong and I light into him, telling him I am sick and tired of this, that I have never been this hurt, insulted, disappointed and generally sad over anything in my life. Dad defends her, as he would. He asks G if he is insulted. G says he wants to meet mum and he is a bit confused, but so long as she shows up, it's all good. Dad says to me that it appears G is not insulted. I remind him that I never said G was insulted, *I* was insulted.

I explain to Dad how it seems that it's always up to ME to understand when things change or go wrong, how I am meant to understand what is important to everyone else but when *I* explain how *I* am hurt/sad/dissappointed, well, fuck it. It's brushed aside because as long as *I* understand, it's ok. How much shit am I expected to swallow with a spoon and still keep smiling??

Then, in a lovely chain of events, Dad asks me if I will see my birthmother. WTF ON A CRACKER??? Fuck no!! Jeebus crickey!! He asks why and I briefly explain the events of many xmases ago and how it's just not a part of my life. He asks me if I am ok with being adopted, if I feel *different* because of it or if it bothers me and if I am happy with my family. Again...WTF ON A CRACKER??? Happy? Usually, yes. Glad I was adopted? FUCK YEAH! Bothered by birthmum's apparent insanity? Nope.

This is followed by dad asking me if I am jealous of my sister. Oh how I KNEW this was coming... No. Am I jealous that she has a baby? Nope. Am I jealous of the fact that her life has changed forever and she will never have free time again? Nope. I am perhaps a little jealous that she seems to be able to command any attention she wants and GET IT without anyone calling her selfish whereas when I point out how unfair things are, I am selfish. But this has NOTHING to do with this kid. NOTHING. Dad asks me why I do not want kids. I remind him I see 1100 of the little buggers daily and I do not wish to have one in my home. G points out to Dad at this time that HE is very opposed to kids and that this is something WE have agreed on.

I remind Dad as well that it is NOT like this kid came 3-4 days ago. It's been almost a MONTH, FFS! This trip, we've been planning for over 2 years. I've not been home for 3 years. Oh, but, Tanya, your mother looks at your pics lots, talks to you lots (wrong!) and emails often (wrong again!) so it's not like you are GONE gone, but merely slightly less accessible. *sigh* Not out of mind, just out of sight.

Dad and G wash their hands of it, with G telling Dad he is not hurt by this. Well, thanks, that just negates all my feelings, doesn't it??

Explain to me why I am NOT allowed to feel hurt by all this, why it seems OK to once again, dismiss me and my feelings and once again, have everyone else have everything THEIR way which makes them happy and I am miserable. This has been a theme all year, hasn't it? Sure, I am not the one who *needs* my parents perhaps as much as my sis does and the like, but FFS, this is not the normal visit, is it?? Things have changed a little. Dad asked me what I would be doing with mum if she were here. I DON'T KNOW, but I would feel better about then leaving to bugger off to Regina/S'Toon later this week and NOT having enough time to catch up with her. But I guess, as I said to Dad last night, that does not matter. He asked me how I felt about her not being here and I flat out said "like it doesn't matter to her at all" to which he tried to defend her. Geez...I wish my husband defended me half as much as my father tried to defend my mother. My feelings? Pointless, it seems. Thanks again.

She arrives tomorrow and will be expecting me to greet her openly and happily and all I want to do is punch her in the face.

Joke

A Woman, A Bus And A Baby ~

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.

The bus driver looks at the baby and says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Totally insulted the woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down fuming. She says to the man sitting next to her, "That driver is SO rude! He just insulted me!"

The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead! Here ... I'll hold your pet monkey for you."